The Salvation of Susan
by Duchess of Beruna
Summary: How Susan Pevensie lost her future and found it again. How a Queen reclaimed her throne and a girl found her family. Most of all, how a child found her way home.
1. Chapter 1

Susan and Lucy were fighting again.

It wasn't the first time they'd argued in the past year, but it was possibly their most heated disagreement yet. Peter and Edmund could hear their sisters screaming at each other from three floors up, and the things they were screaming were horrible.

"Why won't you just _come,_ __Susan?" Lucy pleaded. "It's just dinner at Professor Kirke's house, that's all!"

"To talk about _Narnia_." Susan retorted. "A fairy tale!"

"It was real and you know it! Just come, Susan, please, everyone will be so happy to see you!" Lucy secretly hoped that if Susan came to the dinner and heard her friends and family reminiscing about their times in Narnia, it might shake her out of this ridiculous phase she was going through. It broke Lucy's heart to see her older sister deluding herself, pretending that Narnia was just a silly childhood game.

"I will not come, Lucy, and that's final! I have better things to do than listen to a lot of babies making up stories!"

"Oh Susan, how can you _say_ that?" Lucy implored. "How can you deny Narnia and all our friends, and growing up as kings and queens? How can you deny Aslan?"

Susan seemed to flinch slightly at the sound of the Lion's name, but she instantly regained her composure. "I can deny it," she said coolly, "because none of it is true. And by believing in it, you're lying to me and to yourself."

"No!" shouted Lucy, her fury breaking. " _You're_ the liar, Susan! Listen to yourself, pretending that Narnia doesn't exist! Some queen you are!"

"Lucy! Hurry up!" Peter called from the bottom of the stairs. He turned to Edmund and shook his head. "I don't think Susan's coming." he said quietly.

"She was never going to." Edmund replied sadly.

Susan and Lucy came down the stairs, still arguing. Lucy was crying now, and at the door she turned, grabbing at a last chance to talk some sense into her sister.

But the Gentle queen was unforgiving.

"You have to grow up eventually, Lucy." Susan said angrily. "You can't keep on playing this silly baby game forever."

"Well, if growing up means becoming like you, then I don't want to grow up." said Lucy, sobbing. Then she rushed out onto the street to where Peter and Edmund were waiting, shocked at the things they had heard.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, really sorry that I haven't updated sooner! School is a demon. I'll try to be quicker next time!**

 **There are a few things I want to clarify about this story. First, it's set in 1944. Yes, I know the Official Narnian Timeline says** _ **The Last Battle**_ **was set in 1949, but if you read the book closely, the evidence points to it being only one or two years after** _ **The Silver Chair.**_ **Going with 1949 as a setting is perfectly fine, but this is my take on what happened.**

 **Disclaimer: Narnia belongs to C.S. Lewis. I own nothing.**

Susan was left staring at the closed door, her ears ringing from her own furious shouting. Lucy's parting words echoed inside her head.

 _If growing up means becoming like you, then I don't want to grow up._

Susan stumbled into the sitting room and collapsed into an armchair. She became aware that she was trembling, whether from fear or anger she couldn't tell.

 _If growing up means becoming like you, then I don't want to grow up._

The faces of her siblings seemed permanently engraved into Susan's memory. She could see Peter's shock, Edmund's pity and worst of all, Lucy's anger, all directed at her.

 _If growing up means becoming like you, then I don't want to grow up._

The entire argument was replaying in Susan's mind – the screaming, the crying, and that moment when Lucy had declared that she never wanted to grow up, lest she forget Narnia, as Susan had. That was the hardest thing to bear, because for as long as either of them could remember, Lucy had wanted to be like Susan. Susan remembered three-year-old Lucy crying because she wanted the same hair-ribbons as Susan, five-year-old Lucy practically mad with joy when Mother had bought them matching dresses, and six-year-old Lucy trying to dye her hair black with ink to look like Susan.

And that time in Narnia, which she had tried so hard to forget…

 _Cair Paravel, Narnian Year 1002_

" _She's here! She's here!" Lucy cried, running down the castle steps to meet her sister. Susan was back from a two-week visit to Galma, and Lucy was wildly excited to see her. As her older sister descended the gangplank of the ship, Lucy ran to meet her, telling Susan everything that had happened in her absence._

 _Half an hour later, the two queens sat in Susan's room, unpacking her things. Susan had already given Peter and Edmund the gifts she had chosen for them, and now she lifted a beautiful wooden box from her travelling bag and handed it to Lucy._

" _I saw this at a roadside stand," Susan explained, "and – well – I thought you might like it, Lu."_

 _Lucy carefully opened the box and gently pulled out a beautiful red-and-white silk dress, trimmed with gold braid. She held it up to herself and her delighted expression changed to puzzlement as she realised the dress was far too big for her. If she put it on, the neckline would be slipping off her shoulders and the hem would be pooled on the floor. Lucy couldn't understand how Susan could have made such a mistake in estimating her size._

" _Do you like it?" Susan asked, smiling._

 _Lucy looked up and forced a grin onto her face, not wanting to appear ungrateful. "It's amazing, Susan. I love it, I really do. But…don't you think it might be…um…a tiny bit big for me?"_

 _Susan's smile widened. "I thought you might say that." She reached once more into her bag and pulled out another wooden box. Beaming, Susan opened the box to reveal a second dress, identical to the first, but four sizes smaller._

 _Lucy shrieked with delight. "Oh , they're the same, they're the_ same! _Oh Susan, thank you, thank you!"_

 _Susan grinned. "So you like it then?"_

" _I love it! Can we wear them to dinner tonight?" Lucy asked._

" _Of course we can." Susan replied. "If you want, I can even do our hair the same."_

 _Lucy looked, if possible, even happier. "Yes, please! I want to be just like you, Susan."_

 _Susan felt tears welling in her eyes. "Thank you." she whispered. "But Lucy, never forget to be like_ you. _That's the best thing you could ever be."_

" _Really?" asked Lucy._

" _Really and truly." Susan promised._

Susan stared into space as the memory overwhelmed her. Lucy had wanted so much to be like her then. But not any more. What had changed?

 _I have,_ said a voice inside her head.

Susan took a deep, shuddering breath. It was true. She had changed beyond recognition. It was no wonder Lucy hated her. Sometimes she even hated herself, hated the person she had become.

She didn't want to forget Narnia. But it was so hard, so impossibly painful to know that she would never return that she pretended it had all been a game, because somehow that made her misery easier to bear. After all, how could one miss something that had never existed?

And so she had spent the past eighteen months lying to herself, putting on a show of disdain that masked a sea of despair. It hurt to scoff when her siblings spoke of their times as kings and queens, hurt to refuse the invitations to Professor Kirke's house where she knew the conversation would revolve around Narnia.

But the worst thing of all was denying the Lion. Aslan. Susan knew, in her heart, he would be deeply disappointed if he knew how silly and childish she was being. But again, saying that he had never existed made the pain of no longer seeing him easier to live with.

 _How did I get to this?_ Susan wondered, looking around her in despair. Her family thought that she had forgotten Narnia. She despised herself. And she couldn't accept that it was all real, because the reality of never going back would shatter her.

Susan buried her face in her hands and wept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Special shout-out to:** **Alica Olivia Mirza,**

 **Daughter of Eve3,**

 **Neapea03,**

 **Sophia the Scribe**

 **and** **Guest,** **my first ever reviewers! Thank you all so much for your support!**

Susan wiped her hands on her apron, casting a professional eye over the kitchen. She was baking a cinnamon teacake – Lucy's favourite dessert – as a way of apologising to her sister. Susan was looking forward to seeing her siblings, and wanting very much to make up after their argument nearly a week before. She hadn't seen Peter, Edmund or Lucy since that night they'd left for the Professor's house. She'd been at a party most nights, and they were with Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly during the day, no doubt talking together about Narnia. But they were coming home today, and it would be just the four of them, Mother and Father having left for Bristol that morning. Susan had finally decided to tell her siblings the truth – that she remembered Narnia as well as they did – and just try to bear it as best she could.

A sudden noise outside startled Susan – an ambulance siren. Alarmed, she ran to the door, just in time to see the white vehicle speeding past her house. Ambulances were a rare sight, and several neighbours had gathered outside to watch it pass.

"What's it for?" Susan asked Mrs Bethridge, the Pevensies' next-door neighbour.

The old woman looked grave. "Word is, the ambulance is heading for King's Cross Station. Apparently, there's been some sort of accident. The train from Cambridge's crashed, or something of that sort."

Susan's heart stopped. The train from Cambridge. Her entire family was on that that train. Mother, Father, Peter, Edmund, Lucy. Not to mention Professor Kirke, Aunt Polly, Eustace, his friend Jill. All the people who knew Narnia, along with her parents. All could be hurt. All of them could be…

Susan pushed that awful thought away. Mrs Bethridge was speaking again, but Susan wasn't listening. She began to run, already calculating the quickest way to King's Cross.

Gasping, Susan stumbled into the station. She'd run the whole way, fear giving her almost unnatural speed.

The station was full of confusion, people milling around, flocking to see the crash. Susan pushed her way through the crowds, shoving people out of her way.

"Let me through!" she screamed. People started to move, clearing a path for her. Susan sprinted past them, looking around wildly for her family.

"Peter! Edmund! Lucy!" she screamed. "Mother! Father!"

Past platforms 1 and 2, dodging a luggage trolley, ignoring a porter's angry shout. Susan ducked under an elderly man's arm and squeezed past two gossiping ladies.

"Professor! Aunt Polly!" Susan ran by Platform 3 and Platform 4, seeing them virtually empty of people. "Eustace! Jill!"

Susan's heart thudded against her ribcage. Her breath came in ragged gasps. Surely, _surely_ her family must be alive. She raced past Platform 6, then skidded to a halt.

The train had crashed into Platform 7. A smoking ruin of twisted metal, lying sprawled amid a pile of rubble. Ambulance crews were moving around the wreckage, lifting the injured passengers from the carriages, tending to their wounds. Susan couldn't see her family anywhere, and terror welled fresh in her throat.

"Peter! Edmund! Lucy!" she screamed again. A flash of movement caught her eye, two men lifting a small body from the wreck. _"Lucy!"_

All the air left Susan's lungs as she dove forward, reaching the men as they lowered the girl to the ground. Gasping, sobbing, she prayed to whatever god ruled the world that it wasn't Lucy, it was someone else anyone else, not Lucy, not Lucy…

But there was no mistaking the soft golden-brown hair, the small, freckled face, the pale blue dress that had once been Susan's and was then her sister's.

Susan fell to her knees beside the girl, screaming her sister's name again and again, begging, pleading for Lucy to open her eyes. She'd do anything, anything, if Lucy would just speak to her, say she was alright, and that everything was going to be okay. But of course it was useless. There was nothing Susan could do for Lucy now, and even the wind whistling through the station seemed to whisper accusingly to her.

 _Too late…too late…_

After what seemed like centuries, Susan just knelt there, numb with shock. Her bright, vibrant, loving sister – how could she be dead? It just didn't seem possible.

"Miss Pevensie?"

Susan looked up to see a young station worker standing beside her. His face was grim.

"Yes?" Susan croaked.

"It's not just your sister that has been killed." the man said gravely. "Your parents and brothers are also dead."

Susan heard the words but didn't quite understand them. She felt as if she were standing in a strong wind, the force of it ripping away everything she knew. It wouldn't be long before she was swept away too, spinning out of control, losing her grip on reality.

"What about Professor Kirke? Miss Plummer?" Susan heard herself asking. "Eustace Scrubb and Jill Pole?"

 _Please, let just one be alive,_ she thought. _One person whom I can talk to, really talk to, one person who knows Narnia like I do._

But the station worker was shaking his head. "All dead. I'm sorry, Miss Pevensie.

"All dead?" whispered Susan, unable to believe it. Then the world turned dark, and she felt herself falling.

 **Before this story goes any further, I just want to clarify something:**

 **If you've read my profile, you'll know that fifty-nine of my post-train crash stories are fandom crossovers. This is NOT one of them. Some people may have seen the inclusion of King's Cross Station as a hint to a HP crossover. That isn't the case. I chose King's Cross because it's often a gateway between worlds in literature, and not just in Platform 9 ¾. In Eva Ibbotson's book** _ **The Secret of Platform Thirteen**_ **(has anybody read it? Great book) there's a portal to a mystical island hidden in the station. So I thought, "Hey, why not have King's Cross be the gateway for the Pevensies on their final journey to Narnia?" I just like putting little things like that in my stories. But this story is one hundred percent Narnia. No crossovers. Sorry to disappoint you if you were hoping to see our favourite wizards! Maybe next time!**

 **See you later,**

 **Duchess**


	4. Chapter 4

**I AM SO SO SO SORRY! I AM A TERRIBLE WRITER AND I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER!**

 **Why didn't I update sooner? One word: Exams. That's all you need to know.**

 **Also, I have changed the rating from K to K+, because, you know, character death and stuff.**

 **Thanks to:**

 **riml,**

 **Charlotte,**

 **Guest,**

 **and especially** **Demiwizard dragon girl,** **without whose encouraging review this chapter wouldn't have been posted anytime in the next month. Thank you all!**

 **Well, on with the story…**

Everything was dim and blurry. Susan ached all over, and there was a throbbing pain in her right elbow.

Slowly the fuzzy shapes came into focus. Susan saw that she was in the sitting room of her house, slumped in an armchair. Kneeling in front of her were Connie Anderson and Marlene Brooks, two of her friends from school. Their faces were tight with concern.

"Susan, are you alright?" Marlene asked.

"What?" Susan asked, her voice cracking with thirst. Connie pressed a glass into her hand and she took a sip of the water inside.

"Are you alright?" Marlene repeated.

Susan blinked. Why shouldn't she be alright? She didn't understand why she had woken up in a chair. Had she become dehydrated and passed out? Everything was confused, and she could barely remember a thing.

"Why am I here?" she inquired. "What's going on? Did I collapse?"

Connie and Marlene glanced at each other, then back at Susan.

"You fainted, Susan." Connie said gently. "At the train station. After the accident. Don't you remember?"

And suddenly she did remember, the knowledge coming back to her in a single blow, leaving her reeling. She remembered that her entire family was dead, along with every single person that she had been able to talk to about Narnia. And she screamed and wailed and cried, her grief blocking out every other sensation, so that she was not even aware of her friends trying to talk to her.

Pretty soon Connie and Marlene realised that there was nothing they could do for Susan in her current state, and they left, promising to come back later. Susan barely heard them. She could hear nothing but Lucy's voice, ringing in her ears.

OOO

Hours and hours later, Susan had finally exhausted her tear supply. She was curled up in her armchair, a little ball of cried-out misery, unable to do anything but think about the people she had lost.

Professor Kirke. Susan could still remember the day she'd met the old man, when they'd stayed in his house to escape the Blitz. He'd been so kind to Susan and her siblings, telling them everything he knew about Narnia and helping them to understand what had happened.

Miss Plummer. She'd been like a grandmother to Susan, always ready to listen to any problem, no matter how small. It was no wonder that the younger children called her "Aunt Polly".

Eustace. Susan now wished that she'd been kinder to her cousin, even if it had been Edmund and Lucy that had known him the best. He, certainly, had tried to connect with her, but she'd pushed him away, like she had pushed everyone away.

Jill Pole. Susan had only met Jill once or twice, but she had liked her, even though they had very little in common. She was the youngest of all the victims – just eleven years old.

Her father. John Pevensie was the strongest man Susan knew – not a word of complaint when he had been called up to fight, never raising his voice in anger against his children. If she closed her eyes, Susan could hear his voice, deep and reassuring, reading her a story as she fell asleep.

Mother. A memory fluttered into Susan's mind – Helen Pevensie teaching her oldest daughter to write, her hand guiding Susan's on the paper. No matter what, Helen always had time for her family.

Peter. Caring, loving big brother, Susan's closest friend for the first eight years of her life, before the younger two were old enough to be suitable playmates. Susan could just remember him comforting her when everyone else was too busy to notice.

 _Don't cry, Susie…it's okay…_

He'd learned to call her Susie when they were very young, before Edmund was born.

During their time in Narnia, he'd been the High King, the Magnificent, fiercely protective of his younger siblings. Susan had always been comforted by the knowledge that, no matter what, Peter would always be there for her.

Except now he wasn't.

Edmund. The Just King, the wisest of the four. Yet even as he had given council and judgement, negotiated with foreign leaders and led armies into battle, Susan had never forgotten that he was her little brother. Far more serious than Peter or Lucy, he was the one that Susan had always sought out to talk about her deepest thoughts. In turn, he'd tell her about his nightmares, his worst fears, and they would comfort each other.

Over the last year, when the others would argue with Susan, Edmund would talk quietly to her instead, trying to calm her. But again and again, she'd turned away, saying that he was silly for still believing in Narnia. The pain in his eyes had always haunted her afterwards, and it haunted her now.

And Lucy. Precious, brave, Valiant Lucy. Susan could remember the day Lucy was born, how ridiculously happy she'd been to have a baby sister. The youngest Pevensie had seemed to invoke everything that was good in the world – faith, hope, kindness, light. She'd been the first of them to enter Narnia, the one that had seen Aslan when none of the others would believe.

And now she was gone, and Susan was alone.

The sisters' last words to each other had been ones of anger and hate. Susan had felt so terrible after their argument, thinking of how she could apologise to Lucy…

But now she never would.

Had Lucy forgiven her in the week they'd been separated, or had she died still despising her sister? Susan could hardly blame Lucy if she had. She knew that she was despicable. Her own selfishness had torn her family apart, and now she was facing the consequences.

OOO

Hours passed and night fell, but Susan didn't sleep. How could she, when she had this burden to bear?

 _If only I could have spoken too them one last time,_ thought Susan. _If only I could have made up with Lucy…_

But wishing was no use to Susan now. She knew that she would never see her family again, never be able to speak of Narnia, never tell Peter, Edmund and Lucy how very, very sorry she was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Merry Christmas!**

 _Narnia_

Lucy stood staring out over Narnia, the new Narnia, perfect in every way. The garden in which she stood was the most beautiful place to be found in all the worlds, filled with silver trees bearing gold fruit and bright, shining rivers. Almost all her family and all her friends from Narnia were with her, and each day that passed was better than the one before.

But there was something weighing on Lucy's heart, a strange feeling of numbness that made every second of happiness just a little bitter. It was a sense of loss more than anything, a feeling that something was had left and wasn't coming back.

Lucy missed Susan. She knew that her sister was alive, back home in England. She was unhurt. She was safe. But Lucy couldn't help imagining what her sister was going through after learning that her whole family was dead.

After their fight, Lucy had felt terrible. Now, in Narnia, the argument seemed such a silly, trivial thing. Lucy would have given anything to apologise to Susan, or, even better, bring her here. But Susan, it seemed, had forgotten Narnia for good.

"All right, Lu?"

Lucy jumped. She hadn't realised that Peter was beside her.

"Yes, I suppose so." she sighed. "It's just that…I keep thinking about Susan. I wish she was here."

Peter bowed his head. "I wish she was here too." he said quietly. "But it's no use."

"What isn't?" Edmund asked, walking up beside them.

"Susan." Lucy explained. One word was enough for clarification. Edmund knew what she was talking about. His face darkened and he stared at the ground.

For a moment, the three Pevensies stood together, looking around at the garden and thinking of their lost sister. How much she would love this place. How alone she must be feeling, back in England.

Then Lucy felt it. A tugging sensation on her heart, like someone very far away was calling to her. And she knew, instinctively, that Aslan wanted to speak to her and her brothers.

OOO

The Lion was waiting for them in a grove of trees. Somehow Peter, Edmund and Lucy had known exactly where to go to find him.

As they approached, he turned to face them, and as so many times before, Lucy found herself utterly transfixed by his solemn, majestic eyes.

"Aslan?" Peter asked, his voice uncharacteristically timid. "Did you want to see us?"

The great Lion shook his mane. "Yes, my children." he said. "I wish to speak to you about your sister Susan."

Lucy felt her stomach drop. What was Aslan going to say? Did he blame Susan for what she had done?

"She's forgotten Narnia, Aslan." Edmund explained.

"But it wasn't – it wasn't her fault." Lucy blurted out suddenly "Please, Aslan, Susan's sorry – I know she is."

The Lion bowed his head. "I know that she is too, Lucy. And that is why I am giving Susan another chance." Peter and Edmund looked surprised at his words, but Lucy felt strangely calm, as if she had known this all along.

"I cannot bring Susan here directly." Aslan continued. "But I can send you back into England for a short time. Children, if you are willing, you may travel to your world and find your sister – and bring her back with you."

Lucy's heart leapt. Save Susan! Could they really? It seemed too good to be true. But would Peter and Edmund think the same?

"How long would we have, Aslan?" Peter asked.

"Seven days is all I can give you." the Lion replied. "After that, if you have not convinced Susan that she is wanted here, you will be forced to return to Narnia."

Lucy stole a glance at her brothers. Their expressions were unreadable. As the eldest, Peter would decide what they would do. Lucy desperately hoped he would accept Aslan's offer – she was sure that they could rescue Susan.

"Ed?" asked Peter. "What do you think of all this?"

"Edmund took a deep breath, then met his brother's gaze. "I think we should try to rescue Susan. Everyone deserves a second chance – and I should know."

Peter turned to Lucy. "What's your opinion, Lucy?"

Lucy stood as tall as she could and looked Peter straight in the eye. "We should save Susan."

Peter nodded. "I think so too." he said quietly. He turned to Aslan, and announced, "We'll do it. We'll find Susan and bring her back – or, at least, we'll try."

OOO

Twenty minutes – or maybe it was twenty years – later, Peter, Edmund and Lucy stood with Aslan beside a great cliff. They had farewelled all their friends, telling them of their mission, and had received much goodwill from all that knew Susan.

"Here is the way for you to travel to England." said Aslan. He threw back his head and roared.

Far above their heads, a split opened in the rocks. Water gushed out, streaming down the slope. Bot this wasn't regular water, Lucy noticed. It sparkled and shimmered, bright as fire.

"We step through the waterfall?" Edmund guessed.

The Lion nodded. "That is correct."

"Well," said Peter nervously, glancing at Edmund and Lucy, "see you on the other side." He stepped into the water and instantly disappeared, like a shadow at midday. One second he was there, the next he wasn't.

Edmund followed, smiling encouragingly at Lucy as he touched the waterfall. He too vanished instantly.

"Farewell, Lucy." said Aslan. "Have courage."

Lucy nodded, squared her shoulders and strode towards the water. Just before she touched it, she looked back at Narnia, at the snow-capped mountains, the shady glens, and, far away, the great castle of Cair Paravel on the Eastern Sea.

 _When I next see it,_ Lucy thought, _I'll have Susan with me._

Then her hand brushed the sparkling liquid, and she felt the ground fall away from her feet…


	6. Chapter 6

**I am SO SO SORRY for not updating sooner. I was away for a while, then I had a few late nights when I didn't write much, and... well, you get the picture. Again, I'm really sorry. To make up for the delay this chapter is extra-long. Enjoy!**

Lucy felt her feet hit solid ground. She stumbled, and Peter caught her. Edmund was with them too, standing on the other side of Peter.

Looking around, Lucy could see that the three of them were indeed back in England. She recognised the place they had been transported to as Victoria Avenue, only ten minutes' walk from their home. Thankfully, it was early in the morning and no one was around to see that three people had just materialised out of nowhere. They were wearing English clothes, the two boys in shirts and trousers and Lucy in a flower-patterned cotton dress.

"Let's go." said Peter. No other words were needed, and the three of them set off down the street.

At the corner of Victoria Avenue, they passed a newspaper stand, and Edmund grabbed a paper from the top of the pile.

"It's five days after the train crash." he informed Peter and Lucy. "And," he said, flipping through the pages, "apparently our funerals were yesterday."

"Wish we'd been here a couple of days before." Peter remarked. "We could have attended our own funerals. That would've been fun."

Edmund raised his eyebrows. "You have a strange idea of fun."

"Stop it." Lucy admonished them. Normally she didn't mind her brothers' bickering, but she knew they needed to focus on the more important task at hand – finding Susan. "We're nearly there."

They had indeed reached the corner of their street. Only a few more houses to pass, and they were home. Simultaneously, all three of them quickened their pace, anxious to see Susan.

OOO

When they reached their house, Lucy wanted to go right in, but Peter stopped her.

"If we all go barging in on Susan together, we'll scare her half to death." he said. "Better if we go to the back door and let ourselves in quietly. We can find Susan and tell her that she can come back to Narnia then."

Edmund and Lucy agreed to this plan. Peter retrieved the spare key from underneath the doormat, and together they crept around to the back of the house.

As they passed the side window, Edmund suggested that they should look inside to see if Susan was in the kitchen. They peered through the window (Lucy had to stand on tiptoe) but Susan was nowhere in sight.

"She's probably upstairs." whispered Edmund. Lucy's stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch at the thought that Susan had probably spent the last three days crying in bed. They should have come sooner, much sooner. Lucy hurried around to the back door, eager to see her sister. The boys followed, Peter unlocked the door, and they stepped inside.

At the door of Susan's room, Lucy paused and motioned to Peter and Edmund that she would go inside first. Carefully, she swung open the door and stepped inside.

Lucy wasn't quite sure what she had expected. Maybe to find Susan crying in bed. Maybe to find her writing at her desk – something she often did when she was sad.  
Lucy _hadn't_ expected to find Susan's room deserted, bed made but empty, desk cleared, and, when Lucy opened the wardrobe, all Susan's clothes gone.

Lucy crossed back to the door. "Susan's not here." she told Peter and Edmund.  
"What do you mean, she's not here?" Peter asked, looking concerned.  
"I mean," Lucy said, "that her room is empty and all her belongings are missing. I call that 'not here.'"

Peter and Edmund pushed past Lucy into Susan's room. As Lucy had said, Susan was not there.  
They went back into the hallway.

"Susan must be somewhere else in the house." Peter said, although he sounded doubtful. "We should split up and look."

Edmund and Lucy nodded, and the three of them set off in different directions. None of them said it aloud, but they all suspected that Susan was not in the house.

But where _was_ she?

OOO

Half an hour later, the three Pevensies sat together in the kitchen, having searched the entire house and found it completely deserted. It wasn't just Susan's things that were gone. Almost all the food had been taken from the cupboards, several pictures were missing and there was no sign of their sister.  
They found a small amount of British money on the kitchen table, apparently arranged by Aslan to provide for them the seven days they would be in England. But none of them were thinking of food. They were discussing the much more pressing problem on their minds: _Where was Susan?_

"Perhaps she's staying with one of her friends." Edmund suggested.  
"Or in a hotel." said Lucy.  
"Wherever she is, we'll find her." Peter said. "We have to."

 _But what if we can't?_ Lucy thought. _We only have seven days…_

OOO

Three days later, the Pevensies hadn't found Susan and they were getting frantic. They'd been all over London, to hotels, Susan's school, everywhere that she might be. She was nowhere to be found.  
They couldn't just go around asking where she was either. As it was, they'd had to be careful not to draw attention to themselves, for fear people would recognise them from the article about the train crash. If people started linking them to Susan, it wouldn't be long before someone realized that they were the people who had died eight days earlier, and then everyone would want to know why three corpses were walking around London, and the plan to save Susan would be ruined.

And so it was that three days after arriving in England, Peter, Edmund and Lucy were walking through Victoria Park, on their way to Susan's favourite book shop in the faint hope that she would be there. None of them spoke. Their deadline was weighing heavily on them, and they were all beginning to think about the very real possibility that they would be forced to return to Narnia without Susan.

Suddenly, Edmund stopped walking and grabbed Peter and Lucy's arms.  
"What is it?" Lucy whispered.  
"Look." Edmund said grimly, jerking his head towards another section of the park.  
"Oh no." muttered Peter. He'd seen what Edmund had.

Walking towards them were Connie Anderson and Marlene Brooks, who the Pevensies knew as two of Susan's best friends. Peter, Edmund and Lucy didn't altogether like the friends Susan had made in the last year. To Peter's horror, several of them had crushes on him. Connie and Marlene were alright though, and normally the Pevensies would be glad to see them.  
But not this time. Because if Connie and Marlene saw Peter, Edmund and Lucy, they would instantly recognise them as Susan's siblings, who had died eight days before. Connie and Marlene would want to know what was going on, and the secret would be out. They'd never rescue Susan.

The three Pevensies looked wildly around for an escape route. Connie and Marlene were to close for them to run away, and there were no obvious hiding places in the immediate vicinity.  
But there was a large oak tree standing not twenty feet from the panicking Pevensies.

"Climb!" Peter hissed, swinging Lucy into the lowest branches of the tree. He and Edmund scrambled up behind her, and the three of them settled themselves on one of the biggest branches, four metres off the ground.  
Lucy peered through the leaves, hoping to see Connie and Marlene walking past the tree. To her horror, she saw that they had actually walked over to the tree and were now sitting under it.  
"What is it?" Peter asked, seeing the look on Lucy's face.  
"They're under the tree." Lucy whispered. "We're trapped until they leave."  
"Wait!" hissed Edmund. "Can't you hear what they're saying?"

Lucy fell silent, craning to hear Connie and Marlene's conversation. And what she heard almost made her fall out of the tree with shock.

"I'm really going to miss Susan, aren't you?" Marlene was saying.  
"Oh, terribly." Connie replied. "Are you going down to Southampton tomorrow to say goodbye to her?"  
"Definitely." Marlene said. "She promised to write as soon as she reaches New York, so it'll be nice to get letters from her."  
"Yes." said Connie, and then sighed. "I can hardly believe she's moving to America! It's so far away."  
"Susan says England has too many painful memories for her now." Marlene said sadly. 'I suppose it does. If my family were all killed, I think I'd want to leave England too."  
"Still, it's sad that she's leaving." murmured Connie. "Anyway, we'd better go or we'd better go or we'll be late meeting Diana. Come on, Marl."

The two girls stood and walked away, to the relief of the Pevensies. Lucy turned to her brothers, ready to relay the conversation to them, but their faces told her that they'd heard. Connie and Marlene sitting under the very tree where they were hiding and talking about Susan was one of the biggest strokes of luck the Pevensies had ever had, but they were still very, very concerned.

Peter, Edmund and Lucy now knew where Susan was, but Southampton was far away, and they only had one day to reach her before she was gone forever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Again, sorry about the long delay. This is a long chapter (well, by my standards, anyway) to make up for it!**

 **This isn't the last chapter, everyone. The ending seems pretty final, but I promise there's just one more to come after this.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide and death.**

 **C.S Lewis owns Narnia, not me. (Pity.)**

Peter, Edmund and Lucy sat together in the back of the taxi as it clattered into the Port of Southampton. None of them had spoken the whole long journey from London. They could hardly discuss finding Susan with the driver there, at any rate.

Taking a taxi had been risky, they knew. There was always the possibility that they would be recognised. But the taxi driver, to the Pevensies' immense relief, did not seem to have read the paper that told of the train crash. And a taxi meant they didn't have to catch a train. None of the Pevensies were sure whether they would ever be able to get on a train again.

"Here you are, then." said the driver, breaking the silence. "Southampton Port. Lovely this time of year." He looked curiously at the Pevensies. "What brings you here, anyway?"

"We're meeting a family member." Peter said shortly. It was the truth – or, at least, he hoped it would be.

The Pevensies got out of the taxi, Peter paid the driver, and they watched as it drove away. They turned and looked out over Southampton.

Dozens upon dozens of hotels. Dozens upon dozens of hotels, and Susan could be in any one of had no idea where to start looking, and time was ticking away fast.

Peter, Edmund and Lucy looked at each other. None of them spoke, but they were all thinking the same thing.

 _How will we ever find Susan here?_

OOO

As night fell and the occupants of Southampton fell asleep, the three Pevensies searched on. They'd been into hotel after hotel, asking at the front desks for Susan Pevensie. Time and again, they were greeted with the same response: "There's no one of that name here."

It was like their sister had vanished off the face of the Earth. And as the night wore on, Peter, Edmund and Lucy became more and more desperate. With every hotel that they tried, their spirits sank a little more. But still they would not give up. On and on they went, although they grew more tired by the minute, although they would have gladly lain down and slept, although poor Lucy was very nearly falling asleep on her feet as she staggered from one hotel to another. Because nothing mattered to the Pevensies now except finding their sister.

 _Where are you, Susan?_ Lucy found herself thinking as the night began to give way to pale dawn. _Susan,where are you? Susan? Susan? Susan…_

OOO

Hours later, you would have seen three tired, despairing children wandering through the docks of Southampton. In a last, desperate attempt to bring Susan back to Narnia, the Pevensies had gone right down to the harbour to see if they could spot her as she was boarding her ship. None of them, however, had any real hope of this plan succeeding. They were all just about convinced that they would never see Susan again.

After asking around a little, they had figured out that the ship Susan was sailing on was the RMS _Orion_ , leaving at eleven that morning. It was now ten-thirty and people were flocking to the docks to see it off.

The Pevensies rounded a corner and were greeted with the sight of the great ship, tethered to the dock, ready to sail. Peter, Edmund and Lucy might have stopped to marvel at the amazing sight, might have even taken pride in the thought that their country could build such a ship, if they had not been so worried. A steady stream of people were making their way up the gangplank. Friends and relatives were crowded along the wharf, waving farewell to their loved ones. Peter, Edmund and Lucy wriggled into the crowd and slowly, slowly made their way to the front.

They stared up at _Orion,_ at the hundreds of people already on the ship, more still boarding. It would be impossible to spot Susan from the ground.

On an impulse, Peter stepped forward, thinking perhaps he could board the ship and look for Susan there. Edmund and Lucy followed him, realising what he was thinking. But at the gangplank, they were stopped by the young official checking people's tickets.

"Beg your pardon, sirs and miss." he told them. "Can't let anyone without a ticket board."

Defeated, the three children fell back and scanned the people aboard _Orion._ It was ten to eleven by Edmund's watch, which meant they had ten minutes to find Susan or return to Narnia without her.

The passengers of _Orion_ were clustered at the ship's railing, waving goodbye to their families on the ground. But there was one who stood apart from the rest, a young woman who had – or so she believed – no family to farewell.

Broken and desperate, Susan Pevensie had taken the only course that seemed open to her. Unable to stay in England, with the ghosts of her childhood to haunt her, she had booked a ticket on a ship to America. She had made friends there while visiting with Mother and Father. In the bright lights and noises of New York, Susan knew that she would eventually forget Narnia for good, and truly believe that it had all been a game. The thought made Susan feel sick, but she knew that if she continued to think about Narnia forever, the knowledge of the life she could have had would continue to torment her until she went mad. She _had_ to forget.

And so she stood by the ship's mast, a pitiful figure in her black dress, her eyes red from crying and lack of sleep. No one who saw her would mistake her for a queen. She had lost everything, and now she was leaving the place she had grown up to seek a new life.

And that is what would have happened to Susan, except for one thing.  
The extraordinarily sharp eyesight of her little sister.

Lucy gasped as she recognised the girl dressed in black "There!" she cried, pointing her out to Peter and Edmund. They too saw Susan, and three hearts leapt with joy. They had found Susan! They could bring her with them back to Narnia!  
"Susan!" shouted Peter. Edmund and Lucy joined him, calling to their sister. But Susan's back was turned, and the excited chatter of the crowd drowned out their voices. And now the last people had boarded the ship and the sailors were getting ready to draw up the gangplank. The Pevensies were screaming Susan's name, but she just couldn't hear them.

Lucy looked around frantically. If only she could silence the crowd! Susan would surely hear them then. She looked back to the RMS _Orion_. The gangplank was rising and the sailors on board were preparing to move her out of the harbour. In another minute she would be out of earshot, and Susan lost to them forever.

Lucy closed her eyes. _Aslan, please_. she thought. _Help me._

Lucy opened her eyes again. The ship was beginning to move. The figure by the mast remained motionless.

If there was ever a moment Lucy had needed to be valiant, it was now.

"SUSAN!" screamed Lucy.

What was it about Lucy's voice, that it cut through the noise of crowd and ship where Peter's and Edmund's could not? Later, when they discussed it, they said that it must have been because Lucy's voice was of a higher pitch than the boys'. But privately, all the Pevensies felt that it was because Lucy's voice was the one Susan was most longing to hear. After all, it was Lucy that Susan had fought with on that last day together, Lucy that Susan had wanted to make up with.  
And now it was Lucy's voice that Susan heard.

The girl standing by the mast turned. Slowly she looked down at the mass of people, looking for one person in particular. She moved to the railing, her hands gripping the cool metal, and saw three people that she had never thought to see again. She swayed slightly, as if she were going to faint.

And then she ran.

The passengers of the ship murmured in surprise as the young woman in black pushed past them and leapt onto the gangplank. It was already half up, but she scrambled down it, sliding, half falling in her haste, but always getting up again. She jumped from the end of it, landing heavily on the wharf. Scrambling to her feet, she raced towards her siblings.

"Miss!" shouted the young official that had been checking tickets, now aboard the ship. "Hey, _miss!_ "

Susan waved over her shoulder as she ran. "Sorry!" she yelled. "Not coming!"

The officer shook his head. It wasn't for him to meddle in the lives of the passengers, he thought. His job was to just check tickets and boarding passes. Besides, the girl seemed perfectly happy as she was.

He was absolutely right. As she threw herself into her siblings' arms, heard Peter whisper, "We wouldn't forget you," in her ear, saw Edmund laughing as he hugged her and felt a small pair of arms – Lucy – around her waist, Susan was perfectly, unbearably happy. Happy because her family had come to find her. Happy because she was not alone, after all.

Afterwards, none of the Pevensies were quite sure how long they stood together on the wharf, laughing and crying and hugging each other. What all four of them remembered quite clearly, however, was the moment that Peter took one of Susan's hands, and Lucy took the other, and Edmund took Lucy's other hand, and together the four of them waited for Aslan to take them back to Narnia.

OOO

When it was found that Susan Pevensie was missing and an inquiry was held, the many people that had witnessed her leap off the _Orion_ claimed to have seen Susan throw herself off the ship and into the water. The young official, when questioned, said much the same. He had not been able to stop her, he said.

After an investigation, Susan's death was ruled as suicide and a quiet funeral was held. Connie Anderson and Marlene Brooks were among the few attending. They were saddened, of course, but they did not think too deeply about why Susan would have jumped off the ship. They assumed, naturally, that Susan had simply found life too much without her family.

What they did not know, and what no one could have known, was that Susan was safe with her family and going home, to her true home. Not England, where she had been born, not America, where she had hoped to create a new life for herself, but Narnia, that one true Country, which is a home to us all.


	8. Chapter 8

**I AM SO SO SORRY! MY WI-FI CRASHED AND IT WAS FOREVER BEFORE I COULD GET IT WORKING AGAIN AND THAT"S WHY THIS CHAPTER IS SO LATE! A MILLION TIMES SORRY! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!**

Susan felt herself land lightly on soft, springy grass. Peter, Edmund and Lucy were beside her and she let go of their hands as she turned, looking around her.

She was in Narnia, but it was not quite as she remembered it. Surely those trees had not been so tall? And those mountains in the distance – had they really been so big, and with so many colours on them? In fact, everything was different – a little bigger, a little brighter, a little –

A little more like the real thing.

Peter smiled, seeing her expression. "It's the real Narnia, Su. When Aslan said we could never come back, he meant the old Narnia, which was just a shadow of a copy of this one. The old Narnia was destroyed, but this is Narnia too."

Susan stared, and then looked around again. She looked down at herself, and saw that she was wearing a gown of rich silk, the sort of thing she might have worn for a great feast or ball at Cair Paravel. And on her head was the crown she had worn as Queen, and Peter and Edmund and Lucy were all in their royal finery as well. They smiled at her, and Susan smiled back as she realised the truth – it was _real,_ Narnia was _real,_ and she could stay here forever.

Susan looked again. Before, it had seemed to her that they were in Lantern Waste, but now – and it must have been some kind of magic, for none of them could remember walking a step – now they were in some kind of garden that Susan had never seen before. But she had no time to wonder about that, because all around them were people, some of whom Susan knew, and many she didn't. Eustace and Jill and Professor Kirke and Polly Plummer were there, smiling at Susan, and all her old friends from Narnia were there, Mr Tumnus and the Beavers, and Prince Cor and Corin and Aravis and Bree and Hwin the Talking Horses, and Prince Caspian and Trufflehunter and Trumpkin and Doctor Cornelius and Reepicheep the Mouse. And there were people Susan did not know, but would soon meet – Prince Rilian and Prince Tirian and Puddleglum the Marsh-Wiggle and Jewel the Unicorn and Poggin the Dwarf – all the great and the good people of Narnia's history. And right at the front of the crowd were Susan's own parents, who, although they were not of Narnia, had been brought to the new Narnia just the same.

All the people Susan had known from Narnia were there to welcome their Queen back. But just then, Susan had no eyes for any of them. For in the centre of the crowd of people stood the great Lion himself, Aslan, and Susan forgot everything else when she saw him.

Susan stumbled towards the Lion, and fell to her knees before him. Now that she was face-to-face with him, she could think of nothing but her own failures, fears and doubts. The surrounding crowd drew back, watching the Lion and the girl. They saw Susan's shoulders shake as she wept, and they saw Aslan speak to her, although none but those two ever heard what he said. They saw Susan lift her head, and Aslan breathe on her face. And afterwards, everyone there agreed that Susan's age seemed to change slightly in that moment, although no one could ever decide whether she seemed to grow older or younger.

Susan stood, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted from her. She now knew the truth. She was dead in England, as Aslan had told her. But that body she'd had in England, in that other world, was only a shell of the real her. Here in Narnia, she had been made new, like Narnia itself, and she was truly home.

Susan could see Peter, Edmund and Lucy beaming at her, and her heart swelled with love for them. They'd never given up on her, even when she'd given up on herself. And she could see her mother and father, too, John and Helen Pevensie smiling at their eldest daughter with love and pride.

Susan turned back to Aslan. "I'm sorry, Aslan." she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"There is nothing to forgive, child." Aslan said. "The past is behind you now; forget it. The future is ahead of you; embrace it."

Susan smiled through her tears. Behind her, the crowds were cheering, but she scarcely heard them. The dream was ended, this was the morning – she could feel it in her blood and bones and very soul. She felt a lifting of her spirits and joy bursting in her heart as Aslan spoke the words she had for so long been longing to hear, but thought she never would.

"Welcome home, Queen Susan. Welcome home."


End file.
